118. Drunk on life!

People often ask me during some celebration or the other, "Would you like a drink?" And I am like, "I am sorry, I am intolerant to alcohol." The next question would be, "Maybe, just a little? It won't hurt, you know! "

Well, I know too that it doesn't hurt but somehow I could never make myself to get down to a peg or two to 'unwind' or 'to feel on top of the world'. 'Cause one way or the other I feel that life is awesome and I am always high being drunk in it. I have a thousand and one profound worries tickling my brain but I have always pushed them aside and enjoyed the exquisite moments of life to the maximum. I have asked from life and it has given me nothing less than the best! 

( I would love to go to the Derby someday wearing one of those over the top hats, embellished with lots of faux flowers, lace, satin and what not. For now, I love the hats I picked up from Itanagar. They are crafted very well and fit me to a T.)

117. Au Revoir!

Flying to Itanagar on the 24th of May was exciting more so because it was my first trip on a chopper; a Pawan Hans chopper which was stiflingly hot and humid, with the droning making it even more difficult to slip into one of my favourite traveling slumbers, yet an experience to remember. 

(Being a state guest of Jally Sonam achi (brother) was like being treated like a Queen! The two days of Rongali Bihu celebrations at Itanagar had everything to do with fun, food, music, dance, happy banter and maruwa (the local brew!) 

116. Cherish and Connect

Summer is a great time to connect with nature. I love the magic the rains create. A walk and a dance near the river is my favourite as much as I love walking through the park, with the shade trees playing peek-a-boo, sometimes with the sun and often with a refreshing shower. I can just connect with myself, the Universe and Krishna by just closing my eyes and feeling the beauty of everything. I cherish each mesmerizing moment!

(This is also a great time to connect with colours; sunny colours from the palate. I love what I can do with my ensemble.)

115. Narcissist? Who, Me? So?

Many people think I am a narcissist! Big deal! So I am! I  wonder what they would have to say when I wake up early and do my prayers for the whole world, irrespective of whether I know them or not, do my fitness regimen everyday, eat proper food, sleep well, dress well, feed my mind and my soul with good books, music and thoughts? What would they say when I tell them that I do all this 'cause my mantra is to keep myself fit so that I may serve the people of the world with the strength I have acquired? What would they say of my blueprint to bring a major change in the minds of the people, not only in my state, region or country but of the whole world? What about the faith I have in the youth who are the people to bring a change if we lead them through the right path? What if I say that I am a narcissist 'cause I want others to follow what I am doing at the moment? What would they say when I tell them that my heart is only to love unendingly, intensely and passionately, nothing less?

Being a narcissist is not an 'abuse' until it gets overwhelmingly intolerable for the person who intends to mind others business. Love your own self, or else how would you even understand the wildness of love when you meet someone, if you have not passionately loved yourself? 

114. Love Thyself

While counseling boys and girls of schools, the one thing I love asking them is, "How many of you here love your own self?" There would be a few hands which would go up from the boys end and a lot more from the end of the girls. And then I would go on to ask them how and why they love themselves. They would sit and think endlessly on these two vital questions, some of them even peering into their friend's paper to see what he or she has written. I mean, how and why wouldn't I know that I love myself. My very existence, the very fact that I am Me is enough to love myself. So, I tell these kids that before you love someone and promise the moon to your lover, love yourself. Take care of your mind, your heart, your body and your soul. Only once you know how to take care and love your own self, can you think of loving someone else 'like no tomorrow'.

113. Rockstar Dad!

Dad used to wear drain-pipe pants, pointed boots, tweed coats, scarves and hats. I mean how much more stylish can he get? Apart from being an artist par excellence, his black and white pictures of him posing on his JAWA of Czechoslovakian origin say he was quite the jammer of sorts. 

However, Dad was a dreamer and I rode on Dad's dream rainbow to get where I am today. He wished with all his heart when I was just a baby for me to study in Loreto Convent. The impact of studying in a global school was not as great then, than now, when the only words that I can say are, "Thank you Dad. You are the best rockstar Dad that God could have given me!"

And Friday the 17th of May, all the parents of the students from Don Bosco were invited for the 8th Rongali Bihu Celebration. And did we have a good time! I went almost viral, alongwith the students when Papon (Angaraag Mahanta) hit the stage. He is quite a phenomenon, it seems; a youth icon who has created an indelible mark. Singing from his heart, Papon also has this amazing quality to make people burst at the seams. We love this guy!

*****************************************************

And Tirus is now riding on my dream rainbow!

112. Prints galore!

                 Never believe people when they say they are black and white or a black and grey person. They mean that white, black and grey are their favourite colours but apart from that they could be the most loving people on Earth including passionate and fun-loving. They could also be very down-to-earth, yet not servile. They almost always have their heads firmly placed on their shoulders, a personality to die for and yet they are the ones who have the best jokes up their sleeves. In short, they are ones who are the most colourful in their behaviour, the centres of attraction and the heartbeat of every party!

                    

(I love the latest that is happening with prints. With summer all over the place, the only thing we can possibly do is to get into something 'cool'. And this time, I got some really cool printed trousers, which I teamed with equally colourful shirts, tees and bodices.)

111. For all time!

Wise friends are an asset for life. It is always very important that we have friends and friends who will show us the way when we sway from our mission. That is why I call them friends. And I have been lucky to have some profoundly wise friends who inspite of knowing that I might not listen to them, go ahead and sermonise me endlessly on my detour from my life's mission. 

One thing I learnt though from one wise friend is to be on time, no matter what happens. The endless litanies of my arriving late at a venue have done the rounds already and now the frustrated event management people prefer to call me much ahead of the commencement of the programme. I have been severely shameless in this regard, with no remorse of any kind. My family has been behind my back for this very reason without any visible success, till one day I was verbally mentored, tutored and taught the importance of arriving on time (and not giving last minute palpitations to people who were kept waiting and at a point of a nervous breakdown for my late arrival) by a friend who I would say is really wise. Thankyou so much! These days I arrive much ahead of time and also leave on time! 

                                                  "For All Time" by MJ

Sun comes up on this new morning
Shifting shadows, a songbird sings
And if these words could keep you happy
I'd do anything

And if you feel alone, I'll be your shoulder
With a tender touch, you know me so well
Somebody once said, it's the soul that matters
Baby, who can really tell when two hearts belong so well

Maybe the walls will tumble
And the sun may refuse to shine
And when I say, I love you
Baby, you gotta know
(That's for all time)
Baby, you gotta know
(That's for all time)

Moon shines down on this good evening
One warm kiss in this cold night air
For this good love i'm receiving
I'll go anywhere, just as long as you are there

And maybe the walls will tumble
And the sun refuse to shine
When I say, I love you
Baby, you gotta know
(That's for all time)
Baby, you gotta know
(That's for all time)

The sun in me
All these words that young lovers say

And maybe the walls will crumble
And the sun refuse to shine
And when I say, I need you
Baby, you gotta know
(That's for all time)
Baby, you gotta know
(That's for all time)

Baby, you never know
(That's for all time)
Baby, you gotta know
(That's for all time)

Baby, you gotta know
(That's for all time)
Baby, you gotta know
(That's for all time, that's for all time, that's for all time)

See that you'll never go
(That's for all time)
Baby, you never know
(That's for all time)

110. Big Mamma

10th of May, 2013

My friend has become the father of a baby boy and I have been elevated to the status of Big Mamma. I am so elated!

However, when his wife's water broke at around 3 in the afternoon on 10th of May, we all panicked. He rushed her to the hospital while the whole family bent our heads in unison to the omnipotent, knowing that He will see us through. And in another two hours time, we were all besides ourselves with joy as he called to tell us, "It is a baby boy." I was with Tirus at the ice-cream parlour and I almost screamed, tears of joy streaming down my cheeks.I had been praying fervently for this very day. Praying that everything goes through fine and the family is happy.

Praying has always given me such a high. On Friday afternoon, when I sat on the floor and raised my hands towards the Almighty, the one thing I could feel was an ethereal quietness and a deep sense of understanding of the spirits at work. I felt calm and quiet, the otherwise tumultous thoughts laid to rest in some deep recesses of my brain. Tears involuntarily rolled down and I cried till I could cry no more. The only thing I sought for was happiness and peace for the whole world! I prayed that everyone (irrespective of whether I know them or not) should get what they are seeking for; their dreams fulfilled. 

And then the news of becoming Big Mamma. What more can I ask for? I am happy as happy could be!!

Mama by the Spice Girls

She used to be my enemy and never let me be freeCatching me in places that I knew I shouldn't beEvery other day I crossed the line, I didn't mean to be so badI never thought you would become the friend I never had
Back then I didn't know whyWhy you were misunderstoodSo now I see through your eyesAll that you did was love
Mama, I love you, Mama, I careMama, I love you, Mama, my friendYou're my friend
I didn't want to hear it then but, I'm not ashamed to say it nowEvery little thing you said and did was right for meI had a lot of time to think about, about the way I used to beNever had a sense of my responsibility
Back then I didn't know whyWhy you were misunderstoodSo now I see through your eyesAll that you did was love
Mama, I love you, Mama, I careMama, I love you, Mama, my friendYou're my friend, you're my friend
But now I'm sure I know whyWhy you were misunderstoodSo now I see through your eyesAll I can give you is love
Mama, I love you, Mama, I careMama, I love you, Mama, my friendMama, I love you, Mama, I careMama, I love you, Mama, my friendYou're my friend, you're my friend
Ohh, my Mama my loveOhh, my Mama my love
In love in you, in love in meAnd love is true and guaranteed...

(This song is dedicated to my Mom, to all the mothers of the world, the new Moms and the Moms-to-be. And also to Big Mamma..ME!)

109. Black is beautiful!

My friend's favourite colour is black (and also white!) Well, so is mine apart from red, green, yellow, orange, blue, purple and what not. But black is special. Anyday, I would love to wear anything in black. 

These last few days, with the rains playing truant and my busy schedule, my black broques have been great to hop, jump and skip around and above puddles from office to Tirus' school to singing classes to gym. They are super comfortable and can be teamed with almost anything. However, the best is with a pair of denims and a shirt. I have tried both the formal and the informal look with this pair of shoes. And then like I said black is black; it will never go out of style! 

 

Black Is Black by Los Bravos from the film "Bobby"

Black is black
I want my baby back
It's gray, it's gray
Since she went away, Ooh-Ooh
What can I do
'Cause I-I-I-I-I'm feelin' blue

If I had my way
She'd be back today
But she don't intend
To see me again, Ooh-Ooh
What can I do
'Cause I-I-I-I-I'm feelin' blue

I can't choose
It's too much to lose
My love's too strong
Wow! Maybe if she
would come back to me
Then it can't go wrong

Bad is bad
That I feel so sad
It's time, it's time
That I found peace of mind, Ooh-Ooh
What can I do
'Cause I-I-I-I-I'm feelin' blue

I can't choose
It's too much to lose
My love's too strong
Wow! Maybe if she
would come back to me
Then it can't go wrong

Black is black
I want my baby back
It's gray, it's gray
Since she went away, Ooh-Ooh
What can I do
'Cause I-I-I-I-I'm feelin' blue
'Cause I-I-I-I-I'm feelin' blue

108. Proud to be Assamese!

“Ask not what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country.” J F Kennedy in his inaugural address of January, 1961.

These lines have remained seeded in my head since I was a little girl and when I feverishly composed poems for my country, I was branded by my friends and family as the new age Kanaklata. Ok, so I am. Just ‘cause I am not fighting the enemy with a firebrand or sword in my hand, it doesn’t even come close to mean that I am not patriotic.

When I say Assam is mine, I love it like a lover would to a point of madness; inhaling its musky smell, kissing its air and sensuously touching it. I have always seen it as an ethereal being, my God, a supreme power which has mesmerized me with its enchanting beauty; and I am privileged to be a part of its dreams and aspirations! And I love to take a piece of my Assam wherever I go!

(May 6th was quite a day when I had the opportunity to interact with Ministers and Speakers from all the eight Northeastern States of India at the 14th Annual Conference of the NERCPA, that is, The Northeast Regional Commonwealth People's Association and the day-long topic of discussion was Combating Corruption. Quite a task at hand!)

TO MY COUNTRY (A poem from my book 10:20)

The purple sunset

Cloaked, in her dark stead;

Then wolves –

Are they not but, the

Follies of men?

To bring hyenas and

Bats!.......Racing

Towards the mortal?

Who is he (here)

That laughs – without

A tear in the eye

“I” she whispers –

But she’s mottled – the

Jarring sound of chains

Blotting the song on her lips

She’s now banished

From her loved one – but

She was the one – for

Whom, the war was fought!

T’was a bloody battle

Ages old,

Reminiscence of heroes

In tombs?

Why? We are

But gullible

Flocking the street

Mocking the democrat

Wounding –

The dead, the sick,

Why?

Are we thus so weak?....

Unable to pluck

The thorns from her feet

A shrouded figure

Now creeps

With bloodshot eyes….

Spreading the plague

Thrashing the old

And bleeding the young;

In disguise?

A mother weeps

In the hearth

Consoling her child

Just born.

107. The Family, Rain and Singing!

I am always in love with the rain. 'Cause it makes my Axom smell beautiful after the hot and humid days. Reminds me of school when Mom would pull my yellow raincoat over my uniform and make me wear my red gum-boots. My green umbrella completed my look. The rain in Shillong would pour unendingly and I would hop, skip and jump to school, through the footpath from Laitumkhrah to Dhankheti much to Mom's annoyance. She would flay her arms and sermonise me on how a girl should be lady-like and all. But I would still continue to have my part of fun!

And that's how I have been, much to the indignation of everyone! This season though, like I always do every monsoon, I have not got drenched from head to toe in the rains but the plan  is still in the offing!

Sunday, the 5th of May, lunch was with my huge big family of around 80 people, when we met at my Pehi's (My father's younger sister) place. It was quite a celebratory event as we joked, laughed, ate and again joked and laughed. Wow! It always feels great to be with the family!

 

And then it rained again, much to my jubilation, when I was leaving for my singing classes. I love the drive from home to classes. It's a slow drive with music!

106. Citizen Tinat, I am Responsible!

When my friend Ranjan Engticode designed these profoundly impressive hoardings for the city with "I AM RESPONSIBLE" splashed in huge letters, I only wished the message is taken in all its spirit by young and old alike. But I am especially wishing for the young people to become more responsible towards their city, their state, their country and the world. 

And this is exactly what I stressed on when I had an opportunity to speak to 1400 children coming from 14 different districts of Assam on the 4th of May at the Sarusajai Stadium. It was an educational tour organised under the aegis of the Chief Minister's Gyanjyoti program, which commenced in 2005. The children were proud to be a part of the program and spoke from their heart about how they couldn't even imagine in their dreams to see the things they got to see and how this is going to mould their thoughts for the future. However, I was gladdened by the fact that most of them when asked to speak about their experiences across the days in the city, missed their friends back home and wanted them to also join in this amazing program sponsored by the government and initiated by the District Administration, Kamrup (Metro). Such are the hearts of young people!

I have noticed n number of times that children coming from a fairly fine family background and studying in one of the impressive schools in the city fail to act responsibly. It saddens me when I have to chide them about throwing an empty tetra-pack in the proper place instead of throwing it out on the streets from their school buses or their cars. I mean, where are the parents? Is the responsibilty of getting an admission into a 'prestigious' school the end of their mission? Is it not the responsibility of each of us to teach our child to behave responsibly? Have we asked ourselves as to what sort of a citizen we wish to mould our child into? 

More than anything, a child notices every action of its parents.  It copies whatever it sees its mother or father doing. So, if we as parents become socially responsible, so will our child! We simply cannot afford to throw garbage in the wrong place, throw empty packets out of our moving cars, honk wildly, drive like a berserk and put others in jeopardy, to stop over a zebra crossing and almost run over pedestrians, disrespect others and then there is a lot more. We cannot expect our child to be an angel if we behave like a devil in disguise! Let the word 'responsibilty' itself be a wake up call for each and every one of us....'cause I am sure deep in our hearts, we harbour only one desire; to make our child a responsible citizen, who will be ready to rule the world when he or she grows up. 'Cause, the world is going to need a lot of good people to put it back on its tracks again!

105. I AM!

There is always a strange question which does the rounds with some of my associates, "Why are you like this?" I was pretty aghast when this question first hit me. But am I not supposed to be what I am? 

How else am I supposed to be? I am what I am. I have been specially custom-made by God with a blue-print that doesnot match with anyone else's in the world. So, is it not natural that I behave like me? How can I possibly behave, talk or be like someone I don't even know. Who better than me knows me? I don't wish to ape anyone. I just want to be me. 

As a kid, Mom would ask me, "Look, why can't you be like her or talk like him?" And the little girl in me with a huge mind, could never understand her. I would be left in a confused and perplexed state of mind. So, now, I tell Tirus, "Look baby, you got a mind of your own. You are special and different. Make your own decisions and behave like Tirus, not like anyone else."

A couple of years back I watched as one of the almost close to perfect (or so we think) beauty contestants was asked a question, which left me thinking! The judge asked, "What is it that you would like to change in your body if you were given a gadget to perfect yourself?" And the young lady had a whole lot of things to 'purrfect', much to the chagrin of the judges and me! She went onto say how she would like a perfect nose, lips, a flatter abdomen, better shaped thighs and a lot more. Oh God help her! I let out a sigh! How much more will she want to be till she loses her God-gifted self?

All said and done, I am supremely happy with what and who I am. I am proud of being and behaving like me. I love the little imperfections, or so others think that I have been born with. I like to think like me, dress like me, eat like me and above all, love like me! 'Cause I know no one can beat me at being Me. I would be proud to be born as me again! I AM!

(I thank my friend ONIR for giving us the film I AM.)

*All pictures in the blog The Fashionista are the sole property of Tinat Atifa Masood. Any use or misuse without prior permission will be treated as an offence and will have legal implications.

104. Save the World!

Last night as I was packing Tirus' school bag, there was a familiar whiff I got from the past. As I rummaged through his books, I located it coming from the scrap book. I opened it and poked my nose into the coloured pages and took in the pleasant smell in several short and one deep breath. A series of pictures rushed through my mind and I couldn't help but smile as I reminisced of my college days in Shillong.

Rebellious to the core, I was always the one to initiate some sort of change. Though I was not very vocal about it but people could feel that I wanted to do something different. 

Now, when I talk to Tirus, I feel he is so much more sure about what he wants from life, than me, who started off with the ambition to become a doctor. Then Star Trek swayed my thoughts and I studied enormously on the stars, the constellations, the Universe and what not on Earth, hoping to become an astronaut someday. A book on archaeology made me think of digging up massive monuments from the past and also to travel to Egypt to work on 'mummyfication'! Soon, however, I threw my shovel only to dream of becoming a truck driver in Australia. Mom looked perplexed when she had to call my best friend, Nandini's mom to talk to me when I was hell bent on studying the psychology of the spirits. She pursed her lips and  with knitted brows sat with a what-is-going-to-happen-to-my-daughter look, while Aunty very gently dissuaded me from studying something so ghastly or 'ghostly'. 

However, all this apart, I had always been a Robin-Hood-at-heart types since I was a little girl. I would give away my clothes and sometimes even Mom's, without her knowledge ofcourse, to people who needed them more than us. Mom is still hunting for some clothes and stuff which she thinks she might have misplaced in the house itself!

Even now, under the slightest pretext, I would give away things which I know will be more useful to someone else than me. Deep down in my heart, I nurture this desire to travel all across the world and give away whatever I have. I wish to touch the lives of the less privileged and give them only happiness. I just love to see the joy on the faces of people when they receive something that they had never expected. 

When MJ died, I cried so much 'cause he was the one man who showed the magic path to giving away in profound and unbounded generosity.

"Give and you will be given", an old adage my mother would oft repeat, has made me understand that my life is for giving; to give and enhance the beauty of the world!

And I have felt nothing less than a Queen when I have given!

MJ, You have showed the way!

We are the World!

There comes a time when we heed a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
And its time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all

We can't go on pretending day by day
That someone, somehow will soon make a change
We are all a part of Gods great big family
And the truth, you know,
Love is all we need

[Chorus]
We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So lets start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
Its true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

Send them your heart so they'll know that someone cares
And their lives will be stronger and free
As God has shown us by turning stones to bread
So we all must lend a helping hand

[Chorus]

When you're down and out, there seems no hope at all
But if you just believe there's no way we can fall
Let us realize that a change can only come
When we stand together as one

103. Careless Whispers!

                      There are days when I wake up blank, with not a single thought in my mind. I might have already overslept; this already making me feel like I have lost valuable time. As I trudge to the washroom, this voice inside me chides me for not living up to its expectations. This voice lives inside me, whispering all the time if I don't do things according to its plans. It is more like a person who rules over me all the time, telling me what to do and what not. In fact, I have most of the time obediently listened to this voice and why not. 

                    But sometimes, this voice gets the better of me. Often, when I am sleeping and maybe way too long for this 'person's' comfort, it starts nudging me and whispering in my ears; "....wake up sleepy head. You have work to do.....you can't afford to waste time...." And that's exactly what happens when I very rarely take a power nap in the afternoon. And I wake up feeling as guilty as guilty could be. And I wonder how some of my friends blissfully sleep without a care in the world. 

                         And then I think, yes! I have been sleeping for too long and I got to wake up now! Wake up and make a difference 'cause my people need me!

Time can never mend the careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind
there's no comfort in the truth
pain is all you'll find

Should've known better

I feel so unsure
as I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
as the music dies, something in your eyes
calls to mind the silver screen
and all its sad good-byes

I'm never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend
and waste the chance that I've been given
so I'm never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you

Time can never mend
the careless whispers of a good friend
to the heart and mind
ignorance is kind
there's no comfort in the truth
pain is all you'll find

I'm never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend
and waste this chance that I've been given
so I'm never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you

Never without your love

Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say

We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But noone's gonna dance with me
Please stay

And I'm never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend
and waste the chance that I've been given
so I'm never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you

(Now that you're gone) Now that you're gone
(Now that you're gone) What I did's so wrong
that you had to leave me alone


(This song by George Michael has been a favourite with me!)